Wave washes over heartSome divorces are a huge surprise to both the couple and their families. Other can be seen coming from a long way off, well before the wedding.

A recent Huffington Post article offered thoughts from counselors and divorce mediators on how to know whether you’re really ready for marriage.

Here are a few worth noting—and sharing.

  • KEEPING SECRETS – If you’re keeping secrets from your future spouse—about finances, substance abuse, certain friendships, or anything he or she should know—reconsider your marriage. The same is true if you know or suspect your partner is hiding things from you.

  • HAVING DIFFERENT MORALS/BELIEFS – While this can be overcome, it takes a great deal of work and compromise. If that sounds daunting, consider working with a counselor before you get married because these issues often cause marriages to fail.

  • THINKING YOU–OR MARRIAGE–CAN CHANGE YOUR PARTNER – The person you’re marrying will probably be the same pre- and post-marriage. If you don’t love the person for who he or she is right now—warts and all—you’re not ready for marriage.

  • FEELING SCARED ABOUT MONOGAMY – This is a conversation that should happen well before the wedding plans are made, particularly if you’re thinking about an open marriage. Visit a counselor separately or together to discuss commitment issues and put off the wedding until this is resolved.

  • SEEING DIVORCE AS AN EASY WAY OUT – Are you getting married thinking that you’ll just get divorced if things don’t work out? That’s a huge red flag that you’re not ready for the commitment of marriage. You can’t just walk away. Divorce involves issues of property division, child and spousal support, and financial planning, to name a few.

As a DuPage County Divorce Attorney, I know that divorce can be painful, expensive, and create emotional scars for everyone involved, especially children. However, if you find yourself on that road, I can help make it easier through mediation and collaboration. Contact me for more information.


Erin BirtIllinois attorney Erin Birt is a skilled legal professional with over ten years of experience in trial and divorce law serving clients in many DuPage County cities including Wheaton, Glen Ellyn, Naperville, Warrenville and Winfield.

She opened the Law Firm of Erin Birt, P.C. in 2010 to offer her clients alternative divorce resolution services, specialized collaborative divorce options and family law expertise. She and her expert team continually develop creative outcomes such as divorce mediation and family law mediation that work for all parties involved, particularly children.

Ms. Birt holds a J.D. from DePaul College of Law and is a member of the Collaborative Practice Professionals of Illinois, the Collaborative Law Institute of Illinois, the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals and the DuPage County Bar Association. She is a past board member and presenter for the Mediation Council of Illinois.